I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
