My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
