i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
