my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
