I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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