It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
