Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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