Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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