and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
one might say we're banned from that church
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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