My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
