Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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