Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i dont even know how to be here
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
