Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
