Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
