nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
