I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
