we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
