I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
