ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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