Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
