Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
