I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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