my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
