the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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