is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
