I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
