I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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