ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
