Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
