I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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