You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So vagazzling was a success
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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