Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
