Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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