I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
