Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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