Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
