my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
