I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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