I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
