Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
