you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
