Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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