Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
