my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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