So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
