Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
