i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
