One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This house was built for laser tag.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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