I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize