Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
