I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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