You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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