We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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