The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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