no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
