you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
