after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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