i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am midnight drunk by noon
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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