Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
